And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
