at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
