i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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