Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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