a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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