So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
