He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
