sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
