You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
