im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
