Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
4 words: hood of his car
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
