we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize