I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
