wakey wakey hands off snakey
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize