it's not cheating when I paid for it
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
