Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
