my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
