also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
