Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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