Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
