My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize