thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
