saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize