hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
