last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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