i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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