haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
