They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
