someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Let's paint friendship bongs
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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