Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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