In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
