u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
