Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
