You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize