your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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