Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
