She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
