so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
