No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
