Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
