when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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