I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
