somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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