Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
