Will you blow on my dice?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
