Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
