My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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