i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
