I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I can't put those talents on a resume
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
