We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
