he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I would fuck him just for his dog
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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