I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
