May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
