she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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