Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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