I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Randomize
