Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I need moral support for this bender
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
