Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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