She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Randomize
