I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
