You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
