she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
