This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
