You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize