He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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