Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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