Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
